Wife:         ‘What are you doing?’
Husband:     ‘Nothing.’
Wife:     ‘Nothing?  You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.’
Husband:      ‘I was looking for the expiry date.’
——————————-

Wife:        ‘Do you want dinner?’
Husband:   ‘ Sure! What are my choices?’
Wife:       ‘Yes or no.’
_____________

Wife:          ‘You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?’
Hubby:      ‘When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.’
Wife:    ‘You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?’
Hubby:     ‘Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?’
——————————————————–
Stress Reliever Girl:   ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.’
Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.’
Girl: ‘Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.’
——————————

Son:  ‘Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.’
Mum:  ‘Well, you have done the right thing.’
Son:  ‘But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’
——————————

A newly married man asked his wife; ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?’
‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly; ‘I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!’
———————————————————-

Girl to her boyfriend: ‘One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.’
The bloke replies: ‘Thanks for the early warning.’
——————————-
A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humour!’

——————————

Husbands are husbands
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
‘What was that for?’ the man asked.
The wife replied; ‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket’.
The man then said; ‘When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.’

The wife apologised and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man was watching TV when his wife bashed him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. When he recovered he asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied; ‘Your Horse phoned!’

——————————
Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk

1. I love the way ur Hijab flows when you walk.
2. Marry me so that I don’t have to lower my gaze every time u walk into our room.
3. Would you like to help me wake up for Fajr ?
4. Girl, when I saw u I said Mashallah, then I said InshAllah.
5. Are your feet tired? Because u have been performing Tawaaf in my mind all day long.
6. How would you like to help me fulfill half of my Deen?
7. Allah created everything in pairs, so what are you doing single?
8. I’d like to be more than just your brother in Islam.

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death’s doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven.

There, spread out up on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a wooden spoon by
his wife.

“Stay out of those,” she said. “They’re for the funeral.”

It’s ALWAYS the kids that suffer!!

His Name is Zonkey…….!!!!!!!

Apni Biwi ko apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai.
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai
Paisa apka … Faisla apka …
 
“Funny but true fact !!
A woman worries about her future till she gets a husband,
A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife !! ……..
What do u say???????????
 
A Man before marriage is – Superman.
After Marriage – Gentleman.
5 Years Later – Watchman.
10 Years later – Apne Hi Jaal Mein fasaa hua Spiderman.
 
Life may hamesha Haste raho, muskrate raho, gaate raho, gungunate raho…
thaki tumhe dekh kar hi log samaj jaye ki……………
Tum… “KUWARE” ho…..
 
Wife- agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband – main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi ho…..
KHUSH RAHO
 
Why love marriage is better than Arranged????
B’coz a “KNOWN DEVIL” is better than an “UNKNOWN GHOST”.
 
Wife: main tumhari yaad mein Bees din mein hi aadhi ho gayi hoon,
mujhe lene kab aa rahe ho?
HUSBAND: Bees din aur ruk jaao.
 
A man gave an add in Matrimonial column “PATNI CHAHIYE”
He got 1000 replies all saying:- “Meri Le Ja…!”, ”Meri Le Ja…!”
 
Husband to Hotel Manager: “Jaldi chalo! meri biwi khidki se kud kar jaan dena chahti hai”
Manager: “What can I do?
Husband: “Kamine, khidki nahi khul rahi hai.”
 
Every person is a FREEDOM FIGHTER …….. Immediately after Marriage!!
 
Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor and a Matter of Survival for a married man.
Good Luck!
 
Woh kahte hain ki hamari biwi swarg ki Apsara hai,
Hum ne kaha khushnaseeb ho bhai, hamari to abhi Jinda hai…

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never com e..
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
——————————————————— -
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged..
It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women and then he turns them into Wives.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
If u r married please ignore this msg,
for everyone else: Happy Independence Day
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you say.
After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Husbands r like Dal RICE, eaten when there’s no choice.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that
he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going
thru hell.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other
ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
Q: Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called ‘Man, The Master of Women’?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want then, when you see what the other person has,
you wish you had ordered that.

SAFETY FIRST!!!

Equation 1.

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + enjoy

Therefore:
Human-enjoy = Donkey + Work

In other words,
A Human that doesn’t know how to enjoy = Donkey that works.

Equation 2.

Man = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Man = Donkey + earn money

Therefore:
Man-earn money = Donkey

In other words
Man who doesn’t earn money = Donkey

Equation 3.

Woman= eat + sleep + spend
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore:
Woman = Donkey + spend
Woman – spend = Donkey

In other words,
Woman who doesn’t spend = Donkey

To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3

Man who doesn’t earn money = Woman who doesn’t spend

So Man earns money not to let woman become a donkey!
And a woman spends not to let the man become a donkey!

So, We have:

Man + Woman = Donkey + earn money + Donkey + Spend money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

“Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.” – Samuel Johnson

“An old man who marries a young wife grows younger – but she grows older.” – folk saying

“It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.” – anonymous quote

“Every marriage tends to consist of an aristocrat and a peasant.” – John Updike

“Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing.” – Goethe

“The people people have for friends
Your common sense appall
But the people people marry
Are the queerest folk of all.”
- Charlotte Perkins Gilman

“Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.” – Mae West

“A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it.” – Don Fraser

“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.” – Mignon McLaughlin

“Marriage is a fine institution – but I’m not ready for an institution.” – Mae West

This story tells us something about LOVE & LIFE.

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady

nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage,

I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it.

The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings.

I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy.

My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity,

and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision,

that I wanted a divorce.

“Why?” he asked, shocked.

“I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!” I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought.

My feeling of disappointment only increased.

Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament,

so what else could I expect from him?

A nd finally he asked me: “What can I do to change your mind?”

Somebody said it right… It’s hard to change a person’s personality,

and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: “Here is the question.

If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind.

Let’s say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff,

and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?”

He said: “I will give you your answer tomorrow….

” My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone,

and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass,

on the dining table near the front door, that goes….

My dear, “I would not pick that flower for you,

but….please allow me to explain the reasons further…..

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

” When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs,

and you cry in front of the screen.

I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind,

thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city.

I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your “good friend” approaches every month.

I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism.

I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

Y ou always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes.

I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old,

I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs.

So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach,

as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand…

and tell you the colour of flowers,

just like the colour of the glow on your young face…

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than

I do… I could not pick that flower yet, and die … ”

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting. ..

And as I continue on reading… “Now, that you have finished reading my answer,

and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for

I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk…

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face,

clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread….

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he

does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone…

That’s LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away,

and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms.

It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form …

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship.

Under all this, the pillar of true love stands… AND THAT’S LIFE